just saying "No".


But I made up for it today!

No, you can not talk to me while I am working with sharp knives and boiling water.

No, you can not try to microwave/cook/toast anything for lunch today while I am in the kitchen.

No, I do not care about lawn mower gas leaks, ant hills in the garden, overdue library books or world peace today.

No, I do not know what you are having for dinner....if you're lucky it will be cereal.

No, I can not take you for a walk today :(

That one was hard.


Here is what I said "YES" to today...

and

and finally....

It may not set right, seal right, or taste right, but it is done!

'Cause I'm trying to catch up in the class on that.....

How to make strawberry-rhubarb jam....


It's not that I can't make jam....I have!  Several times!  Freezer AND canned varieties!
It's just that  there is a fatal flaw somewhere in my chaotic,unorganized carefully planned schedule.

So far, I am working on a record of seven days to make my most recent batch of jam...soon to be eight if this post takes me any longer.

The recipe goes something like this:

Day 1: Pick up fresh rhubarb from a friend's house.  Put rhubarb in the fridge and wonder where you left your canning supplies....

Day 2: Happily discover strawberries on sale for $.99/lb at the store.  Buy 12 pounds, eat 2 pounds, spend the rest of the day telling the kids to stay out of the strawberries so you can use them to make jam.  Try to remember if you have jelly jars in your canning supplies....

Day 3: Think to yourself..."I should really do something with those strawberries before they go bad or the kids eat them all..."  and "Did I buy extra pectin at the end of the canning season last year?"

Day 4: Concede that you are NOT going to get any canning done today.  Slice and freeze the 6 pounds of strawberries that are left.

Day 5: Remember where you left the canning equipment, but over schedule your day so you don't have time to unpack the canner, jars, or freezer jam supplies.

Day 6: Go to the store and buy pectin and lids for the jelly jars you are almost certain you have.  Realize that your wonderful husband is using this time to finish several home improvement projects that require things like power tools and dust....in the kitchen.....
Leave pectin and lids on the counter to remind yourself of your failure....

Day 7:  Determine that you ARE GOING TO MAKE JAM TODAY!  Announce it to your friends and family so they will not do anything silly like want to use the kitchen to eat...or drink....or socialize....
Then realize all the other things that must get done today....
such as...

unfreeze the strawberries

wash the canning supplies

walk the dog.....I mean, how can you say "no" to this face?

Chop the rhubarb, locate the recipe that you printed out last year and didn't get to try, find the extra pectin and lids you bought last year, but only pint jars instead of the jelly jars you were SURE you had....

Then leave it all on the counter to go to your retail job, wistfully dreaming about the sweetly sour tang of strawberry rhubarb jam on your morning toast.

Come home to clean jars, thawed strawberries, and a blog post burning in your caffeine deprived brain.

Blog your post (with pictures! ooohhh...ahhhhhh ), locate your recipe, and ready yourself for :

DAY EIGHT:  MAKE THE JAM!

Maybe tomorrow I will have a picture of the jam ;)

...but maybe not...because it looks like I really missed the class on that!

How to have a stress-free vacation.....
or maybe just a stress-free pre-vacation....

How else would you explain my  latest fiasco attempt at jetting away for some fun n' sun?
Maybe it had something to do with the following items that had to be crossed off my "To Do" list before we left....

My top priority was to find my summer clothes....and hope they still fit.....
It is just slightly stress inducing to know that somewhere in the dark recesses of you basement hides a plastic tote full of summer clothes that fit last summer's "Ihadtimetoruntwentymilesaweek" body.  It is even more stress inducing to know that you somehow have to make those packed away clothes fit this spring's "IhadNOtimetogototheYandIworebaggyclothesallwinter" body.  Grrrrr.......
We're not even going to mention  swim suits.....So. Not. Going. There.

Second on my list was to make sure that the house (or at least the kitchen, bathroom, and one bedroom) was clean enough for our house/dog sitter to not have to call the health department before agreeing to spend time in our home.

I then wanted to get as many hours in at work as possible, since I would be gone (and off payroll) for two weeks.  My brain kept calculating how much this vacation was costing me.....not a good prescription for relaxation.

Added to this was the fact that I had sub plans to get ready, a class to teach and some academic commitments for the kids that had to be finished up two weeks early. 

Oh....
and I decided to apply for a job that better fit my skill sets and availability for the summer....
and apply for a different position with our educational group for next fall....
which meant I needed an updated resume and semi-intelligent sounding cover letters.....
which meant me spending time figuring out the extra features on the word processing program....
on the computer....
We all know how fun and relaxing THAT is for me......

Things were going well at about T-minus 4 days before take-off. 
The clothes had been located. (but not tried on....)
The kids had found and packed their own clothes. (you only need 3 pairs of underwear for a 2 week vacation...right????)
I had started my resume. (O.k.  O.k......it only had my name and contact info....but choosing the font type and size are crucial, time-consuming decisions!)
The bathroom sinks had been cleaned out, the lesson plans had been written, schoolwork had been started and all but 8 hours of scheduled time at work had been completed.
With four days left, I had plenty of time to finish the rest of my self-assigned tasks in a calm, relaxed manner.  

HA!
I returned home from work Saturday evening, spent about an hour talking with my husband, and went to bed.
I then proceeded to spend the next 24 hours wondering if I was going to even make it to the bathroom in time, let alone make a flight in 3 days. 
Just in case you were wondering the answer is: No.  Having the stomach flu and trying to keep the kitchen and bathroom "guest" clean are NOT compatible activities.

Also... No. Having the stomach flu and trying to work with computers and word processing programs are NOT mutually beneficial.

And make that a definite NO on having the stomach flu and working 8 hours of retail.
So. Not. Happening.
...but.....
...having the stomach flu for two days and then trying on last summer's clothes???? Yes.  Those two activities can be combined.  

So I spent 36 hours on the couch, not cleaning, writing or packing. I got the basics done.  We got on the plane.  I could finish the typing and e-mailing of resumes on my husband's lap top while we were en route to our vacation destination.   I thought I could just sit and relax on the plane.  I thought I could catch a little nap in my seat.  I thought I would be able to get a chapter of my book read in relative calm and quiet.
I thought, maybe...just maybe... I can begin to unwind....
I thought wrong. 
The man in the seat behind me (father of a 3 year old) turns to the mother across the aisle (travelling with a 9 month old) and says,
"Hey!  Wanna see whose baby gets the loudest screamer award by the end of the flight?"
Nononononononono!
So. Not. Relaxed.
I must have been stressing about vacations when they announced the class on that. 
Sigh

the Federal Bureau of Investigation....

I think my future employer called today! 

O.K....admittedly not the first thing that crossed my mind when the following showed up on my caller ID...
                                               .......U S GOVT FED BUR......

Yes, yours truly received a phone call from the FBI today.   It was a live person, not a robo call about area crime rates or local mail fraud activity.

I assure you, this is not a normal occurrence at our house.  Truly.   I promise.

They were looking for someone who used to have what is now our land line phone number.   When I said no such person lived here their response was.. "O.K.   We'll take her off our list." 

Whaaaaat???

What "list"???
Why was she on the "list"??
Am I on the "list"?
Do I want to be on the "list" or off the "list"?

Wait...don't hang up...I have questions!

Then cup o' joe #3 kicked in and my brain began to process some ideas.....

Here are some, (IMO) plausible explanations for today's phone call.

#1....Due to the sequester, all mid-west field operations offices are now required to do a fund-raising campaign via telephone.

#2....Due to the sequester, all agents have picked up telemarketing jobs to cover the gap in their pay check and this agent forgot which office/job he was doing when he made the call.

#3...Due to the sequester, the FBI has had to cut training costs and has decided to try and recruit responsible adults who have mad spy skills naturally developed over years of parenting and teaching.

Yup...I like #3.  
It  makes perfect sense.   Who else but a mom/teacher can
a) read body language from a mile away without the aid of binoculars or a sniper scope?
b) discern truth from fiction without the aid of video taped confessions, one way mirrors or good cop/bad cop routines?
c) practice defensive driving, in rush hour, on the phone, with various noises, sights and smells occurring simultaneously in the vehicle?
d) keep track of multiple children suspects, their daily activities, personal belongings and financial liabilities?
e) be on duty for hours on end sustained only by pb & j with a side of coffee?  with no bathroom?
f) be able to McGuyver her way through any situation with a bobby pin, lip gloss, two Lego pieces and the mint in the bottom of her purse?
I think I would be a perfect fit for the job.   Just think of all the organized crime rings I could infiltrate and bring down.   Who would ever suspect a mini-van driving-coffee drinking-sanity losing-Iowa living wife and mom of being an FBI agent?   I could save the government thousands in training costs and disguises.  They wouldn't even have to touch their technology budget if they hired me!  Their only cost might be to bump up the line item for coffee in the office supply category....

Or maybe I should just go with reason #4...

Full moon this week.

Or maybe I should just be thankful that another  # didn't show up on my caller ID this morning...
                          ......U S GOVT   INTER  REV SERV......

'cause while I might have mad spy skills,  I missed spying the class on accounting on my transcripts......

.....snow blowers

or, more specifically, how to use one....

First, I should remind you of my love/hate relationship with all modern technology and machines save my coffee pot, indoor plumbing, and central HV/AC.
I mostly do not like the thunderous noise and disruption these machines produce. 
My idea of the perfect modern inventions are the quiet click of a mechanical pencil and the soft whisper of yarn over those new-fangled circular knitting needles.  ;)

Problem: A hair dryer blasting in my ear at 8 a.m. does not a happy mommy make.
      Solution: don't use one...ever....even in winter....since middle school.....

Problem: A power tool being used to complete home improvement projects drives me up the same wall my poor husband is trying to fix.
     Solution:  leave the house and go to the library when DIY Jeff makes his Saturday morning appearances.

Problem: Living in the Mid-West, in the winter, during a snow storm, with a snow covered side-walk and driveway.  Also having a much anticipated afternoon meeting scheduled the same day as the snow storm.
      Usual Solution: Head to the back room of the house with my knitting and coffee while dh, ds, and dd fire up the monstrosity of a snow blower, wield our new ergonomic snow shovels and clear the walk, car and driveway in time for me to leave for my meeting.

Note: Today was not usual.   This morning there was not enough snow on the ground to break out the snow blower.  By noon there was. Since my dh was at work, I was left to make a very difficult decision. 
The drive and car needed to be cleared out.  There was no way around that.  I had committed to go to a meeting this afternoon, and was looking forward to attending the discussion group.  (At a history museum...yes, geek, sigh, move on...)
My dilemma: My ds is just a tad too young to use the snow blower unsupervised.
My second dilemma: I have absolutely no clue how to start the thing, which direction to point it in, or how to make it stop.
My options were limited. 
1) I could interrupt my husband at work to try and get him to coach me through the process. After he picked himself up off the floor from laughing so hard, he would then have the daunting task of trying to teach me something that I don't really want to do, while he was 12 miles away....hmmm...that might have been the safest place for him.....

2) I could wrestle the big red beast out of the garage, spend 45 minutes poking  and pulling on things, hoping against hope that I would accidentally hit upon the correct combination of levers, cords and valves....or irrevocably snap some key component rendering the beast less than useless for future storms...

3) I could google a YouTube video on how to start/use a snow blower.....on my dinosaur computer...that takes forever to load videos...and freezes up on the buffering.....and not get the video to play until May....

4) Or, I could brace myself with a fresh pot of coffee, layer on the clothes and hand-knit wool hats, scarves and mittens, yell at  nicely ask my children to join me in the great out doors, and quietly clear the car and driveway with the perfect, silent,  low-tech tools.....shovels and elbow grease.

Silent that is, unless you count the moaning and groaning of my dear children.  Cries of, "Mom, why don't you just ask dad how to use the snow blower?   or... "Mom, why don't you just google..snow blower...?"  or... "Mom, why don't you just skip your meeting?"

Not. An. Option.   I was going to a meeting to discuss historical topics.  With other adults.  Who liked history.  There might even be coffee involved.

I am happy to report that we persevered.  The drive, sidewalk, front stoop and car were all cleared in plenty of time for me to make it to the meeting.  By hand/shovel.  In the peaceful quiet of the freshly fallen snow.

I came in to check my smoke signals  e-mail, hoping to see some new information about our topics for the meeting.  Instead, I found a message that went something like....
Due to the inclement weather, the meeting has been postponed to next Monday.  We apologize for any inconvenience this new date and time may cause.
Sigh.

I left the kids outside.  They were warm. They were happy building a snow fort in the front yard. They were blissfully unaware of the catastrophic announcement that greeted me from the computer screen.

      It is snowing again.   Enough to make me think that we may need to clear the drive and car again.
By snow blower.
When my husband comes home.
And I am safely ensconced in the far room of the house with my coffee and knitting.....

'cause I missed the class on that.

...genes  (part 1).....

I don't know how, because I rarely missed school.  I was/am one of those strange beings that tend to gravitate towards all things academia.  Almost every subject was interesting to me and I mostly paid attention in all of  my classes. (We'll leave my hate-hate relationship with computer classes for a different post!)

This is why I find myself vaguely confused.  I clearly remember being in my psychology classes when we covered the whole nature vs. nurture debate.   I still have my notes from the biology and anatomy classes I took (sigh, yes, nerd, move on).  Dominant and recessive genes, traits inherited from mothers or fathers, eye color, hair color, height, etc.   Fruit fly projects and plant experiments, DNA, RNA, x vs y chromosomes....I can remember it all.

What I can't remember is the day we covered the specifics on exactly how extended family members transmit their genes over vast distances AFTER the grandchild/niece/nephew has been born. 
Also missing from my notes are the discussions on the specific genetic anomaly known as sarcasm and its likelihood of being the one family trait to be passed on through the phone lines instead of the blood lines.
But I must have missed it.  That is the only explanation I can offer for the conversations I have been having with my pre-teen son recently. At most he gets to see his maternal grandparents twice a year.  Yet he recently has started sounding more and more like his uncle and grandfather.  Not in voice, but in speech patterns.  He and my brothers have more than enough words in their heads to make a phone company's "unlimited talk" plan beg for mercy.  My son and my father both get the same look on their face just before they are going to say something to deliberately provoke whatever woman happens to be in the same room with them. 
Case in point....a recent exchange with said son as I was tediously laboring over the stove to prepare his day-end meal....

Son: Hey mom...you're not starting a grease fire over there, are you?

Me:  No, my dearest, sweetest boy.  I am attempting to prepare a gourmet selection of protein and vegetables for your evening repast.  Grease fires are not in my repertoire and I would never, ever do anything to put your life, or your dinner in such jeopardy.

Son: (in perfect reincarnation of uncles and grandfather)  Sure.  That's what they all say.

I am very tempted to throw in the towel now, rather than spend the next six years or so verbally sparring with the genetic equivalent of my son, brothers and father.  Tempted, but not ready to give in to that temptation.   Instead,  I think I will spend the next few years searching through my notes and science texts looking for that elusive paragraph discussing the electronic transmission of the sarcasm gene.  Because he surely doesn't get it from his current environment.
I know I will need that information in the future, if my son can curb his witty genetic predispositions long enough to get married and have children.  Then I will have grandchildren....and a phone....  ;)

I think I have a few years to complete my research, but research I must....

'Cause I missed the class on that!

An open letter to my former students.

This covers a few hundred people out there in the big wide world.  People who have gone on to make some beautiful and powerful contributions to the world.
Such as:
Serve in the military.
Start a non-profit for education in Africa
Work in a demanding health care profession
Debate conservative politics in a respectful manner while attending a liberal leaning university
Get involved in local politics
Invest your life in ministry
Share the world through photography/writing/art
Foster/Adopt
Accept learning/academic challenges head on and become stronger through them
Learn how to be leaders in business, law, technology and many other professions
Become spouses
Become parents
Become servants

You are in many different walks and stages of life.  You may even be in different generations....I don't think about that too often...makes me feel old.

Some of you are no longer with us.

Some of you are about to embark on your student teaching this upcoming semester and will soon have a classroom of your own.

You will work harder than you ever have in any course thus far.....and you will love almost every minute of it.  You will become protective of your young charges and want to see them succeed almost more than they want that for themselves.  You will wonder what they will be when they grow up.  You will laugh and cry with them and about them.  You will cherish every note they leave on your desk or in your mailbox.
You will be a teacher.


Regardless of your place in life, I am so proud of all  of you.

Don't miss the class on that!

Love,

Mrs. A  (Miss B)