Thursday, March 28, 2013

the Federal Bureau of Investigation....

I think my future employer called today! 

O.K....admittedly not the first thing that crossed my mind when the following showed up on my caller ID...
                                               .......U S GOVT FED BUR......

Yes, yours truly received a phone call from the FBI today.   It was a live person, not a robo call about area crime rates or local mail fraud activity.

I assure you, this is not a normal occurrence at our house.  Truly.   I promise.

They were looking for someone who used to have what is now our land line phone number.   When I said no such person lived here their response was.. "O.K.   We'll take her off our list." 


What "list"???
Why was she on the "list"??
Am I on the "list"?
Do I want to be on the "list" or off the "list"?

Wait...don't hang up...I have questions!

Then cup o' joe #3 kicked in and my brain began to process some ideas.....

Here are some, (IMO) plausible explanations for today's phone call.

#1....Due to the sequester, all mid-west field operations offices are now required to do a fund-raising campaign via telephone.

#2....Due to the sequester, all agents have picked up telemarketing jobs to cover the gap in their pay check and this agent forgot which office/job he was doing when he made the call.

#3...Due to the sequester, the FBI has had to cut training costs and has decided to try and recruit responsible adults who have mad spy skills naturally developed over years of parenting and teaching.

Yup...I like #3.  
It  makes perfect sense.   Who else but a mom/teacher can
a) read body language from a mile away without the aid of binoculars or a sniper scope?
b) discern truth from fiction without the aid of video taped confessions, one way mirrors or good cop/bad cop routines?
c) practice defensive driving, in rush hour, on the phone, with various noises, sights and smells occurring simultaneously in the vehicle?
d) keep track of multiple children suspects, their daily activities, personal belongings and financial liabilities?
e) be on duty for hours on end sustained only by pb & j with a side of coffee?  with no bathroom?
f) be able to McGuyver her way through any situation with a bobby pin, lip gloss, two Lego pieces and the mint in the bottom of her purse?
I think I would be a perfect fit for the job.   Just think of all the organized crime rings I could infiltrate and bring down.   Who would ever suspect a mini-van driving-coffee drinking-sanity losing-Iowa living wife and mom of being an FBI agent?   I could save the government thousands in training costs and disguises.  They wouldn't even have to touch their technology budget if they hired me!  Their only cost might be to bump up the line item for coffee in the office supply category....

Or maybe I should just go with reason #4...

Full moon this week.

Or maybe I should just be thankful that another  # didn't show up on my caller ID this morning...
                          ......U S GOVT   INTER  REV SERV......

'cause while I might have mad spy skills,  I missed spying the class on accounting on my transcripts......


  1. don't forget your ability to crack a suspect with "the eye" or the threat of withholding dessert or a privilege. That has to be more cost effective than "traditional" persuasion....

    1. ohhh..yes! forgot about the "look"..known to bring down hardened criminals in a single