Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Mid-west weather.....
This winter was cold.
The kind of cold that makes you want to hibernate for six months.
The kind of cold that has you lusting after 100% wool underclothes.
The kind of cold that makes you say things like..."I'll even be thankful for 100 degree temps in July..."   
Then Spring came....I think......
As near as I can tell, Spring is just a milder form of  Summer, with tornadoes and flooding thrown in for extra excitement.
Yesterday we were scheduled for some of that "excitement".

In order to keep my mind off the impending disaster and my ears from thinking they are hearing the sirens of doom, I decided to write a "How To..." manual for those not yet used to surviving the mid-west version of  panic inducing adrenaline rushes know as Tornado Watches.

Step 1.
Notice that in spite of diet changes and proper caffeine consumption, that nagging headache just won't go away.  Guess what the barometric pressure reads, then log on to to see how accurate your sinuses are.

Step 2.
Start checking the skies and the radar every 20 min.  Starting at 8 a.m.
For the storm that is predicted to arrive at 8 p.m.

Step 3
Take the dog for a long you are  he is too tired to freak out when the storms come.

Step 4.
Start your caffeine consumption plan.  Too little = a possible disastrous nap during the 2 a.m. radar check.   Too much = too many potential bathroom trips during a tornado warning. I, for one, have a paralyzing fear of being stuck on the throne when the sirens start going off. 
Now you know my deepest darkest fear.
We should probably move on. 
Step 5.
Scour the house and garage for buckets and baskets that can be used to cover delicate seedlings in the garden.  Baseball sized hail has been fore casted.
Make children help.

Step 6.
Make children clean the garage to fit at least one car.
Make the difficult decision as to which car will be left outside as a "sacrifice".

Step 7.
Make children and husband heave move the amazingly heavy  nice lawn furniture up against the house, to avoid "donating" lawn furniture to your next door neighbor.

Step 8.
Plan and prepare dinner so that if the electricity goes out, you can still eat. Because there is nothing more important than proper nutrition during times of stress....

Step 9. 
Plan your shower around the radar timing predictions so that if anything happens you'll at least be able to show up at the ER in clean underwear.  Just like mom told you.

Step 10.
Make sure you have your lap-top battery  and phones fully charged to have as many radar checking sources as possible while you scurry to the basement.

Step 11.
Check your sump pumps and make the boy child move ALL the LEGO bases off the floor of the basement so that they will not clog the pump or cause you excruciating pain as you stumble around in the dark. Since a basement is lovely during a tornado warning, but not so lovely during a flash flood warning...but the two seem to happen at the same time. :(

Step 12.
Spend ALL NIGHT watching the radar, because, you know, that will ward off the tornadoes.

Step 13.
Head to bed at 2 a.m. after an uneventful night, confident that all your preparations are what convinced the storms to seek out lesser prepared, more sane mid-westerners.

Step 14.
Spend all the next morning cleaning up the mess that you made of the garden, putting back the patio furniture and opening the garage to find the van you tried to protect from the hail, instead fell victim to a stray nail finding its way into the tire.
Check the weather forecast.
Plan for the next weather event. 
Because it is Spring in the mid-west,
and now you have had the class on that :)

Photo credits to my wonderful husband who braved the terrible natural disaster that befell us got a little wet in the rain shower that passed over us last evening.

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