OK everyone......or everyone who likes to procrastinate about their Christmas shopping.....
I know the next six days are going to be extremely busy for those of you who still need to finish the elf chores that Santa assigned to you.
I know there are children's programs, school concerts, church pageants, office parties and 945 White Elephant gift exchanges to participate in, all spanning the crunch of the next 144 hours before
I know you are really sorry that things got this out of control.
I know that you never meant for it to happen this way.
I know you promise to not let this happen again next year.
I know all these things, and yet, I still care enough to give you these last few answers to your retail shopping questions..
1) No....we don't have any more of the items from our Black Friday sale.....that we had a month ago.
2) No.....I don't have that very cute outfit in a size 3T....there is nothing in back-stock except the Spring dresses.
3) No....I don't think your package will make it through the mail to Hawaii in time for next Tuesday.... I don't think I can get myself to Hawaii by next Tuesday, let alone your 300lb package...
4) No, the item you called frantically about at 11:59 p.m. and had us put on emergency 48 hour hold 8 DAYS AGO and then never came and picked up is no longer on hold.....since the last time I checked, 48 hour holds do not equal 8 days.....
5)No...I have no idea if your mother/father/bother/sister/niece/nephew/uncle/cousin/son/daughter/husband/wife/ grandparent or second cousin twice removed would like that blender/microwave/crock pot/change counter/blanket/ornament/pair of slippers or bathrobe.....
6) No...I have no idea when the next
So. There you have it. The answers to all your desperate questions.
Now that you have all the answers, this should save you time, stress and grief as you frantically race from store to store looking for the last bulbous blandis snaarfblat or roast beast to be found in our ZIP code.
Remember...your retailer's motto for the last few days of the season is "Just Say No"
'cause we didn't miss the class on that ;)