Bats in the Belfry

......getting along with nature....

I like nature.

Most of the time.

When  I am in control of the encounter.

I prefer observing nature as opposed to experiencing nature.   For example:
...sitting on a porch gazing at the ocean, instead of swimming in the ocean with who knows what lurking beneath you, just beyond your sight.
...bird watching with binoculars from your living room window rather than walking down the street wondering what is going to fall on your head.

...standing in your backyard watching the neighborhood bats swoop through the evening sky eating all the nasty insects rather than running, screaming from your house  mid-afternoon because a neighborhood bat was swooping through your front parlor.


yeah....about that......

You see, the reason why we pay a mortgage, is because I prefer having four walls and a roof between my personal space and the rest of nature.  I tend to get upset when nature doesn't co-operate with that plan.
So there we were Monday afternoon.   The kids and I were getting ready to go run some errands and meet someone to exchange some papers for a class. I had a limited time frame to work with before the meeting, but I could get it done, assuming there were no major interruptions.

We all know what happens when we assume....

All of a sudden I hear my son announce from the front room, "Uhhhhh, Mom?"..."There's a bat in the house..."

Here is how I wish I had handled the situation:

Calmly step to the front door, open the door, and let the panicked little flying mammal back into the great out doors.
Calmly proceed with the rest of the day.

Here is how I really handled the situation:

Screamed....
Reallly loudly....
More than once.....
With all the windows open for the whole neighborhood to hear....

There may or may not have been a broom involved......

I may or may not have run out of the house....without my kids..... while screaming.....

My dear daughter somehow managed to get into my room, snag the phone, and toss it out her window  to me in the front yard (where I may or may not have been standing, screaming, swinging a broom....)

I managed to call my husband to tell him what was happening.   He managed to not laugh. Or at least managed to hit the mute button on his phone...

He then googled the phrase....How to get a bat out of your house... and proceeded to tell me
"Here's a website, it says, "10 Steps to remove a bat"

WHAT???   10!!!  Steps!!!
Who has time to perform a 10 step function while being dive bombed by nature???
Let's not forget that most of these 10 steps involved getting close enough to the creature to throw a towel on it, and then picking the towel up....with the live bat still in it.....

What happened to "2 steps to remove a bat"?
1) Scream
2) Swing the broom

Much easier to remember.
But not a productive option either ....sigh....

It turns out that the bat wanted to get outside just as much as I wanted to be back inside. So we came to an agreement.
I would open my front door to let it out, and it would LEAVE. Then I would run to my back door to get back in the house.  As soon as I was back in the house I would use my broom handle to push the front door shut....firmly...and then lock it...just in case.....
There may or may not have been screaming .....from the creature... and the lady with with broom....and the kids....and the dog.....

And then I  calmly proceeded to go about the rest of my day.

Good thing for the bat I had already had one cup of coffee.   After the bat I didn't need a second cup.

It has been a few days and we have not been visited by any more confused flying mammals.  We still check the corners of all the rooms and duck when we come in the house...just in case......


Cause while I hate mosquitoes more than bats, I like my un-natured house even better....and I can swing a pretty mean broom...

'cause this city girl didn't miss the class on that :)